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The art of the Apology
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#1
Shiroi Tora 
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Posted 23 July 2010 - 11:02 AM
IF..and ONLY IF, you are wrong...you owe more than the utterances of apology. You have drawn first blood. You must expect them to be angry..of course, in appropriate relation to the offense. You allow that. You correct the offense...and, this is important...you pay back..with interest.
Do not apologize if you KNOW you are right (be assertive...fight the good fight...the honorable one). If someone tries to make you apologize for something they had done, they are seeking dominance and should you cave in...the short term effect may be one of "peace"...but the long term effect is one of no self respect and thereafter, getting no respect from them. It will increase to no end. If you know you are right...and can show the other person objectively and convincingly...that they are wrong...THEY are being stubborn...they will seek to impose their will upon you...knowing you will cave. You will have sold your soul to the devil...and shall live your life in hell so long as they are in your life.
Apologize correctly and you have the right to expect it in return. With this, and only with this...progress can be made.
Thoughts on this?
I am the very proud father of a 2E Child (Asperger's / Profoundly Gifted)
Alex - 2E Child
Alex - 2E Child
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#21
Krazie243
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Posted 24 July 2010 - 07:34 PM
142857: Ok, lol. So I guess you like being replied to as a number?
As per your 'how to' approach to apologies:
I tend to agree, but I actually have a formulated idea in regards to apologies from a 'sin' perspective.
You see, most people think they are good people. As a result, EVERY action they do was intended to be good (and occasionally they screw up). This is most commonly believed by non-religious people but has been observed by north america as a whole regardless of religious belief. It is basically the opposite of true religious belief that mankind is actually bad and in need of being saved by a deity.
It would seem that people in general like to think that there is no evil inside them. Anything that goes wrong is a product of circumstances. To paraphrase/quote someone smart: "When something goes right, it was skill - when something goes wrong, it was circumstances". We as a people like to think that we are good or perfect and that we would not willingly do something we consider evil. And then at the same time we point fingers at others in shock and wonder how they could have possibly committed such an evil. 'What circumstances made you think of doing that?'
Ultimately I think that before people even LEARN to apologize, they need to learn to do something evil on purpose or at least understand that every evil they do is intentional. I have learned to do good things and do bad things. I do all that I do on purpose. Sometimes I will do something good and something bad will happen. Sometimes I will do something bad and something good will happen. So the outside perspective of it all can be tricky. But ultimately I KNOW when I've done something bad and when I've done something right. I think that intentional evil is an effective tool. It allows you to embrace your dark side with control rather than the out-of-control nature of most humans. By controlling my evil by effectively choosing which evils I engage in I can have one of the most developed senses of self-control I've ever seen. Plus this helps me with apologies. I know when I am wrong (with exception of some unsolved debates) so I am effectively able to admit defeat. When I am wrong I can tell a person I screwed up. And the best part of it is that I feel good admitting wrong because I see that as a valuable character trait. So while I feel shame of being proven wrong, I feel happy about having found what was right, and I feel proud of being an honorable person.
As per your 'how to' approach to apologies:
I tend to agree, but I actually have a formulated idea in regards to apologies from a 'sin' perspective.
You see, most people think they are good people. As a result, EVERY action they do was intended to be good (and occasionally they screw up). This is most commonly believed by non-religious people but has been observed by north america as a whole regardless of religious belief. It is basically the opposite of true religious belief that mankind is actually bad and in need of being saved by a deity.
It would seem that people in general like to think that there is no evil inside them. Anything that goes wrong is a product of circumstances. To paraphrase/quote someone smart: "When something goes right, it was skill - when something goes wrong, it was circumstances". We as a people like to think that we are good or perfect and that we would not willingly do something we consider evil. And then at the same time we point fingers at others in shock and wonder how they could have possibly committed such an evil. 'What circumstances made you think of doing that?'
Ultimately I think that before people even LEARN to apologize, they need to learn to do something evil on purpose or at least understand that every evil they do is intentional. I have learned to do good things and do bad things. I do all that I do on purpose. Sometimes I will do something good and something bad will happen. Sometimes I will do something bad and something good will happen. So the outside perspective of it all can be tricky. But ultimately I KNOW when I've done something bad and when I've done something right. I think that intentional evil is an effective tool. It allows you to embrace your dark side with control rather than the out-of-control nature of most humans. By controlling my evil by effectively choosing which evils I engage in I can have one of the most developed senses of self-control I've ever seen. Plus this helps me with apologies. I know when I am wrong (with exception of some unsolved debates) so I am effectively able to admit defeat. When I am wrong I can tell a person I screwed up. And the best part of it is that I feel good admitting wrong because I see that as a valuable character trait. So while I feel shame of being proven wrong, I feel happy about having found what was right, and I feel proud of being an honorable person.
Curtis Smale
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#22
142857
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Posted 25 July 2010 - 12:09 AM
^If you have wronged someone and you feel the need to apologize, then you apologize without reserve.
I sometimes wrong people and yet do not feel the need to apologize. If I choose to live with the consequences of that, then so be it.
Good and evil are subjective to an extent. I am far from a model of virtue, as you may have guessed. I do and act as I feel comfortable with and allow others to form their own opinions about me.
I sometimes wrong people and yet do not feel the need to apologize. If I choose to live with the consequences of that, then so be it.
Good and evil are subjective to an extent. I am far from a model of virtue, as you may have guessed. I do and act as I feel comfortable with and allow others to form their own opinions about me.
